53 minutes ago
Monday, December 13, 2010
This weekend was pretty draggy. Mainly because at least half the family was feeling under the weather.
Also, for one reason or another, my Depression came slamming into me as soon as I woke up on Saturday. Wave after wave after uncontrollable wave. It's really hard to fend that off. I've known to expect this. While I struggle with my depression year round, times like the holidays tend to make it manifest itself more forcefully.
Usually I try to stay busy so I don't think about it, but every little thing exhausted me. So I slept off and on most of the weekend, and felt totally guilty about it. (Depression has a way of doing that.) No Christmas decorations were put up, no cookies baked, no presents wrapped, no quality time spent with family. It made me spiral even deeper down into the pit. That, coupled with the stress and anxiety of wanting to make this season special basically sets me up for failure every time (even if it's in my own mind). This is also the first Christmas that I haven't been on meds for depression, so I suppose it's only normal for me to be experiencing these kinds of feelings.
As weird as it seems, Mondays can be helpful in dealing with my Depression. The forced routine gives my brain something to think about other than guilt. Work, while not always the most exciting thing in the world, is a distraction, and makes me feel a little more normal.
It also helps when I stumble upon just the right thing at just the right time. I was on Emily's blog Chatting at the Sky today and came across a couple of posts about embracing who and where we are right now, dirty laundry and all, and how to deal with our unrealistic expectations of ourselves. It helped me feel better that someone else goes through what I go through. I don't feel so alone.
Those posts soothed me.
If you're feeling a bit crazed right now, go take a look at her blog. Her writing has a wonderful calming effect.
(image source found here, which also has an interesting take on HDS - Holiday Depression Syndrome)