Friday, March 11, 2011

I'm A Troll and Chuck Norris is 71 Years Awesome

In all of Charlie Sheen's "winning" monologues lately and his bashing of Chuck Lorre et al, he'd at least stayed away from bashing his costars. But not anymore. Tuesday he lashed out at Jon Cryer (who will forever be Ducky in my mind) and called him a traitor and a troll for not calling/supporting him.

Jon responded in what I think is the most awesome rebuttal in this whole debacle:

Ducky, you seriously rock.


And not to diminish his amazingness by having him listed second in newsy importance, but Chuck Norris turned 71 yesterday!* (Please don't tell him that I'm only mentioning him today because of all the great facts floating around out there. I've never actually seen Walker, Texas Ranger or any of his movies. Please don't kill me Chuck Norris!)

In honor of this incredible day, here are some of my favorite Chuck Norris 'facts':

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

When the boogieman goes to sleep every night, he checks the closest for Chuck Norris.

Noah needed two of ALMOST everything on the Arc; he only needed one Chuck Norris.

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

If you spell "Chuck Norris" in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch because he decides what time it is.

Tiger's blood is really Chuck Norris blood but Charlie Sheen will never tell.

The Incredible Hulk got "Chuck Norris Hands" for Christmas.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

The best part of waking up isn't Folgers in your cup, it's knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

The show was called Walker, Texas Ranger because Chuck Norris never runs away from anything.

And HIS personal favorite: They wanted to put Chuck Norris' face on Mount Rushmore, but the granite was wasn't hard enough for his beard.

Anyone got another favorite?

* thanks to Ralph for alerting me to this holiest of days.

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