Monday, April 13, 2009

So Tired....

I'm exhausted today. I think I may be getting sick.

I was reading some of my old journals the other day when I was searching through some old memorabilia. So many of my entries start with me writing about how tired I am. Seems like exhaustion has always been here with me. It's like the house guest that has worn out their welcome but who just won't leave.

And exhaustion always brings its sidekick, depression. Makes me even more tired.

Tired of always being so tired.

Tired of having to rally for things I don't want to do.

Tired of always having to be the nice one.

Tired of never feeling fully understood.

Tired of never catching a break.

Tired of things never turning out quite how I wanted.

Tired of having to keep a smile on my face.

Tired of having no direction.

Tired of having to always be the one to compromise.

Tired of putting up with bad behavior for nothing in return, and yet knowing that it's my fault for putting up with it in the first place.

Tired of trying to come up with blog post topics.

Tired of always coming up short.

Tired of pretending.

Tired of not having anyone to talk to.

Tired of things supposedly changing but yet always staying the same.

Tired of not being able to find joy.

Tired of always walking on eggshells for fear of making other people uncomfortable.

Tired of it never being enough.

Tired of trying to find a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Sheesh. Talk about drivel. It's a wonder they haven't taken my blog down for the sole reason of killing people off with sheer boredom.

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