What the Hell am I Doing Here (in Blogland)?

(alternatively titled, My Schizophrenia is Keeping Me From Finding My Niche, alternatively titled, I'm Too Tired to Play Nice Anymore)



Today I'm still feeling tired.

And depressed.

And persnickety.

And mean. Really mean.

Not a great combination of emotions when you're writing a post, but I figure I might as well lay it all out there. This blog is supposed to be therapeutic after all. At least that's what I thought about it at first. Sort of like an online diary, expelling my thoughts to, if nothing else, get them out of my head and put something more productive in their place. (Ha! Hasn't happened yet.)

Instead I found myself caught up in one of the typical delusions of the blogosphere where I imagined other people were actually reading my crap. I read other people's blogs that had tons of comments and looked to see what they were doing to promote traffic. I participated in carnivals and commented on other blogs, and that did bring some traffic.

But you know what? I found I just don't have the energy to keep it up. Or the desire, really.

In order to keep people tuning in, (since my content alone won't keep 'em coming back) I'd have to have giveaways. I'd have to tell everyone to leave a comment and I'd pick one of them to win some sort of bauble I've made or bought (I guess the lucky ones get stuff donated to them. Hey, anyone out there want to donate a T-shirt emblazoned with Depression Sucks! for the cause?). And that just smells too much like having to join a sorority and essentially "buy" my friends. (Hey, I told you I was feeling mean. You were warned earlier.)

Either that, or I'd have to take such a violent stance on something that I would be willing to rail night and day about my cause and actually dare people to disagree with me just so I could tear their comments to shreds. I just don't have that in me, mostly because I just don't care that much what other people think. That, and I'm also a wishy-washy scaredy-cat.

It's not that I really have anything against people who use their blogs to showcase their products and/or ideas; I mean, blogging is just the newest platform for advertising. More power to 'ya for using it as such. I just get irked when people blog about all the "friends" they've made through their blog, when really they are just people hoping to win free stuff or people who are just looking for a fight.

Or maybe they really are making friends. What do I know? I never had the money (or desire) to join a sorority.

I don't really have a point to my meanness today, but I guess I'm just re-emphasizing to myself that I don't have a direction to my blog, which is bad if I wanted to get more readers.

See, the experts say you should have some sort of theme to your blog, so readers know what to expect. Whether it be decorating, saving the earth, religion, money-saving tips, knitting, politics, or alien abduction, it should be consistent so people who are interested in the same things can go to your blog to learn something new about their favorite topic.

I'm afraid I'm too scatterbrained/schizophrenic/bored easily to stick to one thing.

For example, I tried "going green" with my posts at first, and while I found out a lot of cool stuff when researching for my posts, I also found that most "greenies" are sanctimonious hypocrites, at least the most prominent ones are. (No offense to those who are simply trying to help the earth in their little corner of the world.) I didn't want to be lumped into that group; plus, I've found better ways of going green from homemakers who are just trying to stretch a dime (instead of buying the newest, greenest product that costs 10 times what normal people can afford.)

Geez, I lost my point back there. Although I have a sneaking suspicion that I never had one.

One thing though, I sure do feel better. Getting it off my chest helps.

It's a good thing I don't have any loyal readers, since they would all be offended by now. But just in case I haven't gotten rid of my last lurker, I'll just list a couple of other groups/things that have irritated me lately. That will relieve more stress while at the same time ensuring I've alienated everyone under the sun. Just so no one feels left out.

* I HATE drivers in Southern California. Apparently, everyone's parents down here married their own sibling and then gave their subsequent offspring a set of car keys. I have never seen more ridiculous behavior exhibited than on So Cal freeways by people who supposedly have enough knowledge to pass the driving test. They are all cell-phone abusing, burger-munching Chatty Cathys who pay more attention to putting on their make-up in the mirror than the road in front of them. I actually saw a guy playing the flute while he was driving the other day.

* I hate people who can't be bothered to put on actual clothes and brush their hair before they leave the house. And I'm not talking about the mother-of-four with sick kids who is running to the drugstore for anti-nausea medicine after an all-night barf fest. I'm talking about those twenty-somethings who show up to work/class/dinner looking like they just rolled out of bed and can't be bothered to dress up unless it's for a date. It's like they feel like everything/everyone else is just not important enough to put in effort for.

* I think people who say they are starving! and act as if they really are while they are walking into a restaurant have no idea the real meaning of the word and should be shot on site.

* I think people who are passive-aggressive and use guilt as part of their artillery should also be shot on site.

* I think anyone who says their mother is their best friend must not have had really good friends growing up. (Yes, this one is mainly out of jealousy.) Although I think people who try to be their kids' best friends should try instead to be a parent.

* I hate tattlers, kiss-ups, do-gooders, shmoozers, holier-than-thous, know-it-alls, ignoramuses, and close-minded hypocrites.

* I also hate haters, which must mean I loathe myself. Of course.

Hey, maybe that's my theme!

Happy tax day everyone! Oh, yeah. I also hate the IRS.