Friday, December 21, 2012

2012 Can Suck It But I'm Still Not Making Any Resolutions

I totally forgot that the world was supposed to end today until Ralph mentioned something about it this morning.  That now means that everyone is going to have to face the reality of another year coming upon us, like it or not.

Twenty-twelve was not quite a total disaster, but I'm not sorry to see it go.  Looking back at my posts for the year (there aren't many of them) I can see the depression and deep sadness seeping through.  I'd like to be able to work on having less of that in 2013, but there's only so much I can control.  I know, I know, positive thinking and all that.  But when depression sucks you so far down into the muck, it's a bit hard to keep an upbeat view of it all.  And when life dumps a whole truck full of lemons on you, it's all you can do just to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I think what I have to do is just LET GO.  Let go of any expectations of what this coming year might bring.  Let go of trying to control all difficult situations that might arise (and I'm sure there will be plenty), and let go of trying to solve all my problems of the past, present, and future and JUST BE.  (Oooh, do I sound all new-agey?)

I can't look ahead to 2013 yet because I'm just trying to focus on the next five minutes.  I think I only have the capacity right now to focus only on taking the next step.  And maybe that's just what I'm supposed to be doing.  Maybe in this season of my life, that's the best thing for me to do, so that I don't get so overwhelmed with what's ahead.  So no resolutions this year, and no picking a word or anything like that. (Although, I suppose if I picked simple ones like "breathe" or "blink" I might be successful.) Don't get me wrong, I like the idea, and I know it's good motivation to set goals for yourself.  I look forward to reading about other people's goals/words for the upcoming year.  It's just not for me right now, not this year.

I think my main goal for 2013 is to try and make it through the year without stressing too much about stuff that is completely beyond my control.  That, and allowing myself to not set high (read: unrealistic) goals and instead focus on just taking care of myself, even if that means not having a clear idea of what direction I want my life to take right now.  I think this will also help me appreciate the good things I do have in life, like a supportive husband, good friends, my health, a good job, and many, many little joys that pop up every day.

And if I can keep from having a nervous breakdown?  Added bonus.

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