Day of the Brother

Today is my baby brother's birthday.  I always add the "baby" because everyone thinks he's older than I am.  It probably has something to do with the fact that he's about a foot taller than I am, has a much deeper voice, and is infinitely more mature than I'll ever be.

He's such a mellow guy, totally balances me out.  The sky could be crashing down around us and I'd be running around in circles screaming, meanwhile Ben would be calmly looking about for a helmet to protect his crazy sister's mushy brains.

I don't see him nearly often enough, and I miss him a lot.  But whenever we get together we pick up right where we left off and it's like no time has passed.  He's known me longer than anyone else, and yet still doesn't mind hanging out with me.  I sure am lucky to have him.

As a funny side note, his wife just posted this on Facebook the other day:

watching Benjamin play GTA is unreal. he stops at red lights, drives the speed limit, plays the radio at a reasonable volume, and refuses to punch hookers.

That sounds about right.

Happy Birthday Baby Brother!!

Rosarito, Baja California

Grandma's house is right by the clump of palm trees.

The little beach town of Rosarito, Baja California is just about 20 minutes south of the border, and is absolutely adorable.  Going to college in San Diego, all I'd known about Rosarito prior to a couple of years ago was that a lot of spring breakers used to go down there and that it was the location of Papas & Beer.  When I moved down from the Bay Area to Orange County,  I went down there for Christmas one year.  I had a lovely, relaxing experience in the quiet little beach town.

So when I found out that Ralph's grandparents had a place down there, I was excited to go back.  Ralph talked about it for years, but we could never find the time to go. Then, once passports were needed for everyone, it was a bit of a hassle dealing with all that entailed.  We did finally get everyone outfitted with one, though,  and when Ralph's grandmother mentioned she was going down there a couple of weeks ago to pay the yearly taxes, we jumped at the chance to join her.

A short drive later and we were right at the beach, exploring all the lovely scenery had to offer.

Here's Ralph showing the boys different critters in the tide pools. 

It was my and the boys' first time down here (that they remember anyway), but Ralph has been exploring these tide pools since he was a mere babe.

Lots of critters!

That night we walked up to the restaurant at the top of the street and enjoyed delicious grub and some nice family time.


(Grandmas Chris and Great-grandma Carr)



This is Grandma Carr with one of her 17 great grandchildren!




The next day was back to the beach, a bit foggier than the day before but just as fun.





We walked down near Baja Studios, where parts of Titanic and The Pirates of the Caribbean were filmed.





Could that be The Black Pearl in the distance?

Yikes!  A wave caught them by surprise!




They got wet, but were otherwise unscathed.




Ralph really enjoyed showing the boys this place that was such a big part in his youth.


(Right here Ralph is saying, "Great, these guys are going to look so much bigger than me in this picture.")



Hey, at least your wife is shorter than you.



We all had a FANTASTIC time.  (It was a really nice break from the all-too-serious "reality" of everyday life.)

The drive back took quite a bit longer, as there was a four-hour wait at the border.  Yes.  FOUR HOURS.  But we knew to expect that, plus, there were people selling everything from churros to puppies to keep us occupied.  We all bought souvenirs while we waited.  Here I am relaxing in mine back at home.

Aaaaaah.   It's good to be back.

Happy Friday everyone,

Stitched-Up Heart

(source unknown)

Mama's got a brand new bag valve.

And a stitched-up heart.

My mom had open-heart surgery last week for an aortic valve replacement.  Being a former nurse, she took this all in stride, mentioning her surgery casually to me on Mother's Day.  "I loved the flowers, Honey, thank you.  By the way, I'm having open-heart surgery in a few weeks."  Of course, surgery came only after she stayed up till 7 AM (the day of) working, because "I'll feel better if I have everything settled and in place first."

Six hours long, she came through the surgery with flying colors and is such an overachiever that they moved her out of the ICU after only 24 hours.

The second day after surgery was a bit rough; she had really low blood pressure and could barely keep her eyes open she was so exhausted.  But she rallied and is now back to her usual self, getting ready to be discharged today after seven days in the hospital.  I'm sure she's happy she'll be able to sleep in her own bed tonight, and I'm sure she's already planning on what work she'll catch up on as soon as she gets home.

After all, she was just lying around doing nothing for an entire week.

Not Pushing Daisies, Just Pushing 40

Nope.  Not dead.

Yet.

I did however get one year closer to death recently.  I'm now 38, which can be considered "pushing 40," right?

I spent the day at a spa where I "took the waters" and relaxed, something which was long overdue considering the insanity that is now daily life at our house.  Things have sort of settled down a bit, which may or may not be due to intense therapy, introspection, an entire village (it takes one to raise a kid, dontchaknow) mediators/translators (I don't speak teenager well), cooling-off periods, or a combination of all of the above.

That, and the reminder to take everything one day at a time, one moment at a time.  Because when I try to take it in all at once?  That's when I teeter on the brink of insanity.

So here's to 38 being a year of taking steps, however small, away from the edge.

For the grand occasion, Ralph got me my favorite kind of roses (sterling), and they smell heavenly.  Thanks honey!

Feeling Blue

Wow, almost two months since my last post.  I think about posting every now and then, but wonder what in the world I could talk about while trying to maintain a facade of sanity.

Life on a daily basis involves barely-restrained hysteria.  Out of respect to those involved, I won't go into details, but let's just say that life with teenagers doesn't lend itself well to fun little blog-post-sized anecdotes.  These are no longer the days of "Oh my, someone decided cut the cat's whiskers," or "The older boys wouldn't let their youngest brother into the house until he jumped into the pool naked" (both of which did happen once upon a time).

But nowadays?  Seriously, people.  Shit. just. got. real.  (Forgive me, there is simply no other way to put it.)

My anxiety is through the roof, and then my depression alternately throws me into the deepest of dungeons.  There are days when I can only count out time by the minute in terms of survival, and even then I'm not sure I've made it through the day until I take the time to realize that yes, I still posses all of my limbs and internal organs, if not all of my mental faculties.

I guess I should see this as a way of looking at things from a different perspective.  Things that used to send me over the edge are now positively inconsequential.

Dog pees and poops on the rug?  Eh, at least this is a mess I can clean up.

Someone at work not speaking to me?  Yawn.  At least I'll have some peace and quiet for a few minutes a day.

Blue hair dye stains my skin from head to toe?

Meh.  Maybe I'll audition for Avatar 2.

'Til next time, whenever that may be.

Forty Three Years Ago

Richard Nixon became president.

The Godfather was first published.

Golda Meir became the first female prime minister of Israel.

Judy Garland died.

The first U.S. troop withdrawals were made from the Vietnam War.

Led Zeppelin's first album was released.

The Haunted Mansion opened in Disneyland.

The Woodstock Festival was held in New York.

The first-ever episode of Scooby Doo was aired on CBS.

The first ATM in the US was installed.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid opened in theaters.

The Brady Bunch premiered on ABC.

The Boeing 747 made its maiden flight.

Sesame Street premiered on the National Education Television network.

Dave Thomas opened the first Wendy's in Columbus, Ohio.


The following people were born:

Dave Grohl
.
Bobby Brown
.
Jennifer Aniston
.
Ice Cube
.
Jennifer Lopez
.
Nate Dogg
.
Gwen Stefani
.
Brett Favre
.
Matthew McConaughey
.
Ken Griffey, Jr
.
Jay-Z
.
This guy:


And the world was never the same.




Happy birthday baby. I love you!

Invisible

(source)

I came across this yesterday on Life in a Pink House. I think all moms (and step moms, and dads, step dads, caregivers, etc.) need this kind of assurance every now and then.

The Invisible Mother
attributed to Nicole Johnson

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'

Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this??

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

Some days I'm a crystal ball; 'Where's my other sock?, Where's my phone?, What's for dinner?'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history, music and literature -but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . She had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when she turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'With admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: 1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. 2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. 3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. 4) The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A story of legend in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof, No one will ever see it And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was Almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does.

No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, no Cub Scout meeting, no last minute errand is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, he'd say, 'You're gonna love it there...'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible mothers.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year everyone!

I hope you all had a great holiday season and are starting January with pleasant memories. I always expect January to start with a bang, as if I'm going to accomplish all my goals for the year in the next couple of days. Ha! I'm not even setting any resolutions this year, as I know my past track record, and it's pretty dismal. Although last year I did do pretty well at the 21-day challenge at A Bowl Full of Lemons. I definitely need something like that to keep me on track. This year, though, I see as more of a contemplative, slower-paced year. Not sure why, but I do. Anyway, before I get to waxing more about that, I just wanted to share a few pics from Christmas. It was quite relaxing this year. Right up my alley.

I decorated a bit, but didn't feel the need to go all out.

Just a bit on the mantle,

some lights to cozy up the place,

and some greenery thrown around a bit here and there.

Understated but still festive. And a whole lot easier to clean up.

We started off the holidays by getting to babysit some cutie patooties (aka little brothers)

and then hosted Christmas Eve for some of Ralph's family.

Lots of laughs were had by all

even if the teenagers didn't want to admit it.

Christmas day brought lots of silver and black, natch.

And wait, are those actual smiles on teenagers' faces??

Oh, yeah, especially since they got the video games they wanted. [Side note: Teen 2 said that one of his friends asked him why he didn't buy the newest video game right when it came out. He replied, "Why buy it with my own money when I can just wait for Christmas and get it for free?" Smart kid.]

So lots of family time

accompanied by lots of food

(one of my few culinary successes, wish I'd taken pics of Ralphs' AWESOME pozole)

left us all fat and happy.

Looking ahead to 2012, I've tried to do what some others have done and pick a word for the year to focus on. Words like "believe," "love," "simplify," and "look" tend to be bandied about. I've tried to think of one, and even came up with a list, but none seem to just jump out at me. I think I'll need longer to contemplate it. I know most people do this before the new year starts, so they're all ready. Being the procrastinator that I am, I'm behind as usual. But since I have the feeling that this year is going to be a more slowly-moving, (hopefully that means peaceful?) year, I'm not going to get to worked up about it. Some of the words I've come up with so far are:

seek

purpose

do

trust

fearless

choose

rejoice

believe

create

focus

clarity

calm

strength

Do any of you do this? How do you go about picking a word? Or does the word pick you? In either case, happy picking, and Happy New Year.

Perspective

Lately I've been thinking about how my perspective has changed over the years. For example, my stepsons used to be smaller than me. Little cherubs that gazed up adoringly at me. (I almost choked on my coffee writing that last part.) From my perspective now, things are a bit different.

Exhibit A

We recently marked each person's height in the entryway to the kitchen. (I'm 5' 3 1/2".)

Do you know how hard it is to scold someone while you're looking up at them? (And they're looking down at you, laughing...)



Exhibit B
(as if the height humiliation wasn't enough)


Comparing shoe sizes.
(I wear a 7 1/2 - 8, so I don't have tiny feet.)

So yeah, my perspective's had to change, whether I like it or not. The same has happened with my perspective on the holidays.

I love Christmas, but I've always set high expectations for myself that I can never achieve:

• Completely decorate the house for Christmas so it looks like a winter wonderland, complete with handmade crafts in every room.

• Bake/create homemade goods for all the neighbors and wrap them in adorable packages.

• Find the perfect gift for everyone and have it bought, wrapped, shipped and sent out soon after Thanksgiving so I can relax and enjoy the holiday season with all items on my to-do list done!

• Take the perfect picture for the Christmas card and send them out the day after Thanksgiving.


Now, factor in that I'm a major procrastinator and the fact that I don't manage stress well and you've got a recipe for disaster in melt-down proportions.


Something had to give. And that something was my perspective of the "perfect" Christmas. Last year really helped with that. Due to various circumstances, we ended up not seeing family on Christmas Day. Instead of the usual racing around and trying to fit everyone in, it was just the five of us.

And it was one of the best Christmases I've ever had.

It was so relaxing, so void of insane expectations, that right then and there I gave up the idea that the perfect Christmas had to be filled with everyone you know and love.

Other ideas changed too.

• Decorating the house: I have the tree up and some lights and other baubles thrown around. Not a handmade craft in sight. And you know what? It's just fine.

• Neighbors: Last year I baked cookies on Christmas Day just so I could finally bring them a gift. Not doing that this year! The neighbors are getting tins of popcorn for Christmas. They're already in Christmas tins, so no wrapping either!

• Gifts: I still struggle with this, but we cut way down on our gift list this year so we are not racing around trying to find a gift for everyone. Not being around too many people will help this. Unfortunately, I ordered one gift a little too late, and it won't get here til after Christmas. There is NOTHING I can do about it, so I'm determined not to go crazy about it. So far, so good.

• Christmas card: I learned early on that my idea of the "perfect" picture just wasn't going to work in my family of stoic men. Asking them to smile for a picture at the Christmas tree lot after picking out the "perfect" tree got me this:

It looked like I just told everyone their grandma had just died.
(And look! They were still smaller than me!)

I wised up and realized that my trying to force them into fake smiles and festive outfits (ha!) just made everything worse. So I just started taking pictures of the real us.


One year I didn't even bother to tell them to behave.

I just wrote "From Our Wild Bunch to Yours, Merry Christmas."
Everyone who got the card that year loved it.


I may be the only one smiling in this year's picture, but at least I'm keepin' it real. It showed us together as a family, and that's the important thing.

And it was a LOT less hassle.

How has your perspective of the holidays changed over the years?