Thankful Thursday

(At least I have somewhere where I'll fit in)

Just a quickie today, as all the holiday craziness is starting to descend and I'm worried about suffocation.

1) I've got almost all Christmas shopping done. I still have to finish making a lot of homemade gifts, but I'm hoping to finish those soon. At least, that's what I keep telling myself....

2) Really good counseling session yesterday.

3) Two days without waking up with a panic attack. Whoo hoo!

4) Someone from Freecycle is going to cart away our stove that's been collecting dust and dirt outside for months!

5) Lots of Christmas candy and cookies in the office lately. Yum!

6) Found the camera I thought I'd lost.

7) Less homework to deal with so close to the holidays.

8) The pharmacy finally took my card that gives me up to 12 months of a certain prescription for free!!

9) All week I've been getting really good advice from good friends; you have no idea how much you've helped!

10) Only two days of work next week. Now that's something to celebrate!

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Ten on Tuesday

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More little things to get me through right now.

1. My down sleeping bag that I keep in the car. It's suddenly gotten quite cold here in SoCal and it's come in handy quite a bit. I like having it ready at a moment's notice, especially since our office building always feels like the AC is on.

2. A counselor who gets me. (Big. Real big.)

3. The ability to get out of bed at 3:30 AM to go to work. I'm not saying I’m happy about it, but I'm glad that I have actually managed to continue doing this, no matter what the circumstances. Makes me feel kind of invincible.

4. The rain we've gotten recently in our dry, brittle corner of the desert.

5. Warm fuzzy socks.

6. The commuter lane!

7. The discovery I recently made of using a scarf wrapped around my waist to counteract the draft created by low-rise jeans and short sweaters.

8. The fact that I finally colored my hair without one stain on the floor, counter, or wall. (I think.)

9. Wonderful friends and family who are praying for me.

10. Leftover cornbread. Random? Kinda. Delicious? Definitely.

Check out Crayl's blog for more wonderful things in life to be thankful for.

Thankful Thursday

There has been a lot of craziness lately. And I mean, A LOT. Some days I don't even know which end is up. It would be really easy for me to throw myself a big ol' pity party right now. Complete with black balloons and dreary dirges playing in the background.

But surprisingly, I am managing to survive and even be happy about certain events coming up, even though they will be very different from the original plans. I am really happy that I will actually be taking a break from the usual hustle and bustle and STRESS of the season, and instead will have some time to rest, relax, and basically hibernate. And, just as with my thankful Thanksgiving list, I realize that it's the little things that are going to get me by.


* I did not have to take part in the Christmas Gift Exchange Throw-down '09, part of an annual battle that takes place each Thanksgiving. I was also able to escape this year's pie debacle as well.

* No one in my family has ever given a fruitcake as a gift, so I'm pretty sure I'm safe this year.

* I will actually have time to reflect on the important aspects of the season.

* I will not have to participate in any feats of strength. (Name that show!)

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*I can watch Love Actually as many times as I want.




* Will Ferrell in tights. What more is there to say?

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Ten on Tuesday ~ Thanksgiving Edition

(I'm thankful I'm not a turkey.)

Each week, Crayl lists her Ten on Tuesday; 10 things she's thankful for. Of course, at this time of year, everyone is doing this, but Crayl's whole point is to do it always, not just at Thanksgiving.

Right now I feel like I'd just be mimicking things that everyone else is saying right now, just rattling off a list of things that I should always be thankful yet don't often stop to think about.

Don't get me wrong. I am soooooooo thankful that we both have jobs, that (other than a few sniffles and some pink eye) everyone's healthy, that we have been able to make ends meet during this stressful time of year, that the roof over our heads seems like it will hold out for another year to be fixed.

But often, it's the little things in life that keep me going from day to day when I'm too stressed to stop and think about what's really important in life. So this week I thought I'd list those little, often silly yet very gratifying things in life that get me by during this time of year.

1) Cake Wrecks trots out all the lovely Thanksgiving cakes being wrecked created around the country:

(I can't wait for the Christmas cakes!)

2) My guests at Thanksgiving won't give a hoot that I don't make everything from scratch.


3) They also won't care if my table is set with plates like this:




In fact, they'll probably think they make great conversation pieces.


4) Two extra days off work. 'Nuff said.


5) The warm weather in SoCal allows me to keep the windows and doors open, thus lowering the pungency of the odor of dog pee in the carpets that I haven't had a chance to steam clean yet.


6) My coworkers think I'm crazy. (Yes, this is something to be grateful for.) They see me decorate my cubicle for each holiday, and they actually bring stuff in for me to use. I get to decorate my house for my guests and they get a chance to get rid of their junk. It's really a win-win situation. They bring in everything from pie plates to fabric scraps to pine cones.






My boss found these discarded balls of yarn in her condo's community "dump" site and immediately thought of me.




7) The boys have the whole week off from school (lucky ducks!) so I get a break from having to wrestle them to the ground and then hog tie them to a chair to do homework.


8) I get to break out the Christmas movies and music without people looking at me funny.


9) We finally found the boys clothes they want for Christmas in the most hideous colors imaginable colors they want, for half the price than the ones in the malls!

(Blech. The 80s are back with a vengeance.)

10) LEFTOVERS!!


Head over to Crayl's blog to read more about what we should all be thankful for, no matter what the season.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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Self Pity
I never saw a wild thing
Sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough,
Without ever having felt sorry for itself.

~ D.H. Lawrence


I love feeling sorry for myself. There. I said it. It's true. Not that I want to make it my pastime of choice, but I slip into this rhythm where it feels comfortable to be wallowing in self pity, even though I know it's only making things worse. It's like that sore tooth that you can't seem to leave alone. You press it with your tongue even though you know it's only going to make it hurt more. And you feel justified in your pain.

I also love being a martyr. I want everyone to know how I'm suffering because of them, or just because of life in general. I want people to feel sorry for me, especially because I'm feeling sorry for myself. But then I think that they would just be pitying me for my lack of a spine, or lack of gumption, or whatever it is we Americans are supposed to have.

It's a daily battle that I wage with myself. I want to come off as stoic, as someone strong and impenetrable, but I also want acknowledgment that I am suffering inside. It's one that I've been dealing with a lot lately.

On her blog and in her books, Mary Southerland talks about "sandpaper people," those who rub us the wrong way or even rub us raw some days. To me, the sandpaper people in my life are the ones who daily criticize me or talk about (and laugh at) me behind my back. I know it happens to everyone, but of course, my focus is mostly on myself. That's where it's hard for me to be selfless, to focus on others instead. I want to cry, "But aren't I important too? My feelings are hurt, and yet I'm supposed to be the one who turns the other cheek? Even when I don't get any apologies or even a reason for behavior directed towards me?" It's a constant struggle.

Then there's that little voice inside me that just rubs salt in the wound. What reason do you have to feel sorry for yourself? You have enough food to eat, enough clothes to wear, you're not in constant pain, you're not beaten, destitute, or even restricted by any physical abnormalities. That's when I most want to feel sorry for myself.

So what's a self-centered, mooning, disillusioned yet blithering idiot grown woman to do?

Put on her big girl panties and deal with it.

I've seen a poster shown on many blogs lately, the one with a crown and the words KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON. A reminder to keep our heads even when things aren't going our way. Especially when things aren't going our way. I've also heard many versions of "One day at a time," my favorite being "Just take the next step." (I know the peanut gallery is having a field day with this right about now.) Yet as sappy as it sounds, there are days when that's all I can do. Hey peanuts, at least it's something. It's at least a step in the right direction. A form of being proactive. A way of not letting the peanuts turkeys get me down.

Remember this?

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I still like it. The art work may have gone out of "popular" style, but I still like the message. I like it even in the times when I don't like that I have to put it in practice myself. (Easier said than done, I admit.) And even though all I want to do right now at this minute is to feel sorry for myself and cry and pull the covers over my head, I'm going to try (I said try, not necessarily succeed) to just take the next step.

Blithering idiot signing off. Carry on. Calm or not.

Week in Review ~ TGIF!

This week has been so hectic and crazy. I've been alternately exhausted and stressed to the point of screaming. I had a bunch of manuscripts due at work that were nothing but problems these last few months. My boss seemed not to care when I mentioned these problems periodically, and didn't do anything about them until the due date reared its ugly head. Then she got into panic mode and decided "solve" the problem by asking me every hour or so how they were coming along.

I love the way they run this place.

On the home front, Tweeny decided, once again, that all adults are stupid and therefore should be periodically chastised and yelled at, especially when they are doing something completely asinine such as trying to help with homework. For teenagers' sake, I'm glad that humans aren't a species that eat their young. (Though how some parents refrain, I can chalk up only to superhuman strength and will power beyond comprehension.)

That said, Ralph very kindly talked me down from the emotional keening harpy I had whipped myself into, and I'm feeling much more even-keeled today. He also took over the homework duties yesterday while I pulled the covers over my head and didn't come out until the alarm went off this morning. Have I mentioned how thankful I am for this man?

Speaking of giving thanks, I'll leave you with a bit of Thanksgiving insanity. Here's Sarah Palin's most recent interview, which happened to take place at a turkey farm. (She had been pardoning turkeys.) The backdrop of the interview was a man pushing a live turkey into a meat grinder. When asked later about how she felt about the interview and what was happening in the background, she simply said, "No worries." Thanks, Renée, (who is a vegetarian, BTW) for sending me the carnage!




Want something a bit less, um, savage? Head over to Cake Wrecks to see their lovely array of turkey cakes, such as this lovely creation:


Don't worry people, it's just a brownie with frosting! Whew!

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Giving Thanks

I feel sorry for Thanksgiving. I really do. I think most people think of it as simply a gateway holiday to Christmas. (Once you start celebrating, you can't stop at just one...)

I happened to be floating lazily around in the blogosphere and clicked on the above icon from The Mother Load's blog. I read the post on South Breeze Farm, describing thinking of November as being a thankful month instead of simply one of waiting impatiently for the good stuff in December. I'm super late to actually "join" but I'm posting about it anyway, since it really only has to do with my own mindset, not about the challenge per se. For now, I'll simply start creating my "thankful" list on my sidebar and see what I can come up with to remind me how blessed I really am and how much I have to be thankful for.

Mindful thankfulness. What a concept.