2012 Can Suck It But I'm Still Not Making Any Resolutions

(source)

I totally forgot that the world was supposed to end today until Ralph mentioned something about it this morning.  That now means that everyone is going to have to face the reality of another year coming upon us, like it or not.

Twenty-twelve was not quite a total disaster, but I'm not sorry to see it go.  Looking back at my posts for the year (there aren't many of them) I can see the depression and deep sadness seeping through.  I'd like to be able to work on having less of that in 2013, but there's only so much I can control.  I know, I know, positive thinking and all that.  But when depression sucks you so far down into the muck, it's a bit hard to keep an upbeat view of it all.  And when life dumps a whole truck full of lemons on you, it's all you can do just to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I think what I have to do is just LET GO.  Let go of any expectations of what this coming year might bring.  Let go of trying to control all difficult situations that might arise (and I'm sure there will be plenty), and let go of trying to solve all my problems of the past, present, and future and JUST BE.  (Oooh, do I sound all new-agey?)

I can't look ahead to 2013 yet because I'm just trying to focus on the next five minutes.  I think I only have the capacity right now to focus only on taking the next step.  And maybe that's just what I'm supposed to be doing.  Maybe in this season of my life, that's the best thing for me to do, so that I don't get so overwhelmed with what's ahead.  So no resolutions this year, and no picking a word or anything like that. (Although, I suppose if I picked simple ones like "breathe" or "blink" I might be successful.) Don't get me wrong, I like the idea, and I know it's good motivation to set goals for yourself.  I look forward to reading about other people's goals/words for the upcoming year.  It's just not for me right now, not this year.

I think my main goal for 2013 is to try and make it through the year without stressing too much about stuff that is completely beyond my control.  That, and allowing myself to not set high (read: unrealistic) goals and instead focus on just taking care of myself, even if that means not having a clear idea of what direction I want my life to take right now.  I think this will also help me appreciate the good things I do have in life, like a supportive husband, good friends, my health, a good job, and many, many little joys that pop up every day.

And if I can keep from having a nervous breakdown?  Added bonus.

Perspective

Lately I've been thinking about how my perspective has changed over the years. For example, my stepsons used to be smaller than me. Little cherubs that gazed up adoringly at me. (I almost choked on my coffee writing that last part.) From my perspective now, things are a bit different.

Exhibit A

We recently marked each person's height in the entryway to the kitchen. (I'm 5' 3 1/2".)

Do you know how hard it is to scold someone while you're looking up at them? (And they're looking down at you, laughing...)



Exhibit B
(as if the height humiliation wasn't enough)


Comparing shoe sizes.
(I wear a 7 1/2 - 8, so I don't have tiny feet.)

So yeah, my perspective's had to change, whether I like it or not. The same has happened with my perspective on the holidays.

I love Christmas, but I've always set high expectations for myself that I can never achieve:

• Completely decorate the house for Christmas so it looks like a winter wonderland, complete with handmade crafts in every room.

• Bake/create homemade goods for all the neighbors and wrap them in adorable packages.

• Find the perfect gift for everyone and have it bought, wrapped, shipped and sent out soon after Thanksgiving so I can relax and enjoy the holiday season with all items on my to-do list done!

• Take the perfect picture for the Christmas card and send them out the day after Thanksgiving.


Now, factor in that I'm a major procrastinator and the fact that I don't manage stress well and you've got a recipe for disaster in melt-down proportions.


Something had to give. And that something was my perspective of the "perfect" Christmas. Last year really helped with that. Due to various circumstances, we ended up not seeing family on Christmas Day. Instead of the usual racing around and trying to fit everyone in, it was just the five of us.

And it was one of the best Christmases I've ever had.

It was so relaxing, so void of insane expectations, that right then and there I gave up the idea that the perfect Christmas had to be filled with everyone you know and love.

Other ideas changed too.

• Decorating the house: I have the tree up and some lights and other baubles thrown around. Not a handmade craft in sight. And you know what? It's just fine.

• Neighbors: Last year I baked cookies on Christmas Day just so I could finally bring them a gift. Not doing that this year! The neighbors are getting tins of popcorn for Christmas. They're already in Christmas tins, so no wrapping either!

• Gifts: I still struggle with this, but we cut way down on our gift list this year so we are not racing around trying to find a gift for everyone. Not being around too many people will help this. Unfortunately, I ordered one gift a little too late, and it won't get here til after Christmas. There is NOTHING I can do about it, so I'm determined not to go crazy about it. So far, so good.

• Christmas card: I learned early on that my idea of the "perfect" picture just wasn't going to work in my family of stoic men. Asking them to smile for a picture at the Christmas tree lot after picking out the "perfect" tree got me this:

It looked like I just told everyone their grandma had just died.
(And look! They were still smaller than me!)

I wised up and realized that my trying to force them into fake smiles and festive outfits (ha!) just made everything worse. So I just started taking pictures of the real us.


One year I didn't even bother to tell them to behave.

I just wrote "From Our Wild Bunch to Yours, Merry Christmas."
Everyone who got the card that year loved it.


I may be the only one smiling in this year's picture, but at least I'm keepin' it real. It showed us together as a family, and that's the important thing.

And it was a LOT less hassle.

How has your perspective of the holidays changed over the years?